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Apr 23, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Well, it's that time again. I had been a little upset with myself for my weekend craziness. But, it happened, no sense in dwelling. I have worked my butt off at the gym, I went back to eating the way I was before the Whole30. I have energy. I feel great, especially after just two days. I started a new gym, I love it. They have they treadmills that you can hook your phone up to, and that you can run any course. I just so happened to run in New Zealand yesterday. I know, jealous right?? Yesterday was strictly cardio. I hadn't realized that I didn't shave my armpits... I didn't want people staring at my stumble.. Plus, cardio is probably my favorite way to sweat. Dripping sweat. That part always makes me happy, that's when you know that you are kicking ass.




On the left is Monday, and right Tuesday. I love this watch so much. I set my calorie goal in my head, and this sucker helps me get there. One of the best investments I have ever done.
I really need to get new running shoes. I am incredibly flat footed, the shoes that I have now, start hurting after a while. Any suggestions??

Okay anyways, back to the point.



On Monday morning, I weighed a whopping

266

As of this morning

264

I am so proud that I was able to get half the weight I gained off in just two days. Hopefully by next Wednesday, I will be down the other two.



I had a DietBet going on, since I gained the 4 lbs, I of course lost. But it looks like there is only one winner! So she gets the whole pot. How awesome?? I am wanting to start another one Monday. I will put the link up here.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with a girl. I really hope that dream doesn't come true any time soon. I want a baby, very badly. But, I also want to get this weight off of me before I try and have one. I want to be all cute and stuff. I want you to be able to tell that I am pregnant, not just fat. Plus, I don't want to get back up to 300 lbs. Too dangerous.













I honestly don't know how I never noticed how puffy I was all the time. I notice now if I am the slightest bit puffy. I was so incredibly unhealthy. I am not 100% now, but I am a million times better. That person would eat all day every day. I would get chicken express more than 3 times a week. Sometimes twice a day. That person was sick. I would could never understand why I was alone at that point in my life, and now I do. Looking back on the pictures, I was a blob. I never got that until I lost weight. Until I found something better than drowning myself in food. Self confidence and self worth, are way better than that fried chicken. This past month, I have learned so much about myself. No, I don't eat perfect. But, this is a work in progress. I don't eat terribly either. Sometimes I just want to give up, but, giving up is what got me to 317 lbs. Not believing in myself is what got me to 317 lbs. THAT person was weak. In life, you don't get to be weak. You can sit there and pity yourself. You can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, and try to make others feel sorry for you. But what does that do?? It doesn't change your situation.It just makes everyone else around you miserable, and not want to be around you. And honestly, why should anyone feel sorry for you? Unless you have a medical condition, it is your fault. I don't think I ever realized that. I never realized that I did that to myself. I also never realized that I hit 317 lbs, until I was at 317 lbs. In life, we are blinded by so many things. You don't want to come to the realization that you're a 'failure', that you are the issue. It is easier to blame someone else, or something else. Again, pointing fingers doesn't get you out of your situation. The only person that can do that is you. Yes, it is one of the HARDEST things you could ever go through. But, while I was taking pity on myself, I was just digging my whole deeper and deeper. Deeper and deeper into depression. Deeper and deeper into self hate. I never want to hate myself again. To have hate, already weighs heavy on your heart, but to hate yourself? You have to live with yourself. You're the only person you can't walk away from. So, I am running, not from myself, but to towards. To the person I know that I can be, the person I want to be. If you are going to do something, do it with your whole heart. There have been times where my heart just hasn't been in it, so I don't work at it. There won't be any more of those times. I know I will still have my bad days, where I feel ugly and fat, but, I can still pick my ugly fat self up and head to the gym. Everyone has a different story. Everyone copes differently. That's okay. It takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go round. The best stress relief, the best feeling, is when you can't walk out of the gym. If you need an escape, walla. No one is going to bother you, everyone is there to improve themselves. Pop those head phones in and just get lost in the workout. I actually have been looking forward to going to the gym. 

And on that note, I must bid you adieu.  






 photo kaela_zpse4648d85.png

12 comments:

  1. Wow excellent loss and excellent post. Looking back, I realize now that I was very similar to you. I was sad, mad at myself all the time and just felt worthless. Amazing how the mental stuff starts falling by the wayside when you actually start dedicating yourself to a healthier life. The physical and the mental starts being overhauled.

    I would really recommend you go to an actual running store (even if you aren't interested in running). They take a look at your gait and your walk and tell how pronounced your arches are and whatnot and they give recommendations for you based on all that stuff. Good luck with the shoe shopping!

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    1. I have been looking up things all day. I run on the inside of my feet, Like a damn caveman!! Thank you so much Des!!!

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  2. Great loss Kaela. Don't kick yourself for not finishing the Whole 30 you need to do what works for you, and you know yourself best. Also you didn't give up completely and that's what counts. Just keep going one day at a time and it will happen. And you are killing the workouts girl!!

    As far as shoes go I'm pretty flat footed as well and I found that the Nike Pegasus 29 work great for me (I actually just bought a second pair) I went to a running store and had them fit me but I didn't like the shoe they recommended so I returned them. That is the one great thing about buying shoes from a running store most of them give you 30 days to test them out and return them if they don't work for you.

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    1. I think that is probably what I am going to do. They have one down here, Its finding the time to go thats the problem. Hopefully I can get out there on Saturday!!!

      That's what I was thinking. I don't want people to look at me as a quitter. I stopped doing the whole30 simply because it wasnt working for me. I am not giving up my weightloss journey. Just the crazy 'diet'.

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  3. Good job! You kicked major butt in the gym this week! Good for you!

    I would say go to an actual place that specializes in running shoes. I will be having to do that soon too as my current shoes don't feel that great!

    I loved this post and how honest you were. Being overweight is hard and sometimes you don't even realize it until you're getting better.

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    1. I feel like the gym is kicking MY butt lol. But, I'm just going to keep on going. I've decided I am going to a running store this weekend. I need to get checked ASAP. My feet are so weird.

      Thank you Lora. :)

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  4. I was 300 pounds on delivery day, and it is not comfortable! Your progress pics are great!!

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    1. Thank you so much. I just want to be healthy with my pregancy. I want to have the 'glow'. lol

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  5. I just love you!! You are doing awesome--and who cares if you don't shave your armpits?? Do what you gotta do!! I want one of those calorie watch thingys so bad!!! Maybe the Mother's Day fairy will be kind to me:)

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    1. If need be, I will put a bug in the husbands ear. lol I will find a way!! I love my watch. I would serioulsy recommend it to anyone. It keeps me going!!! I shaved yesterday morning :) so totally hit them weights up.

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  6. I have wanted to try those watches and seeing how you do amazing with them makes me want one even more!

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