Mar 19, 2014

You're your problem.

I know that I wrote about Dayton being my "happy" the other day, but I believe there are two different kinds of happy. There is the happy that you feel when you are with other people, and then there is the happiness that you feel within yourself. There has been multiple occasions where I have been upset and Dayton has made the comment "I just want to make you happy". He does make me happy. He makes me the happiest I have EVER been. But, I have to be happy with MYSELF. The only thing I am ever hard on myself about is my weight. I love everything else about myself. He tries so hard to help me. He will suggest things, "Are you sure you want that?". Ultimately, it's MY decision. If I want that damn donut, I'm going to eat that damn donut. He can slap it out of my hand. But chances are, I'm going to slap him, and then pick that donut up of the floor and eat it. #fatgirlprobz. And then there are times where I am eating healthy and he is not, and he wants a hamburger. So what? Why should he suffer because I have to? Life is about temptations. If I choose to get a hamburger with him, that's not him holding me down, forcing me to eat it. I have said it before, I'll say it again. I own every single pound that I have. Until you take ownership over yourself, and stop blaming others for your problems, then nothing with get resolved. It's easier to blame someone else than admitting you're the problem. When I was little my mom would try and limit the sweets that I had. My dad did not. If I wanted it, I got it. I would like to blame my eating habits today on that, but guess what? I am an adult. Adults can't blame their daddy for things. This is MY journey. I have stepped off the path countless times. Each time, it has been MY fault. If I am not happy, I search for reasons why am I not happy. Most of the time it is in my control. Happiness isn't hard to achieve. If you want something bad enough, you will do whatever you can.

"Just be happy" it used to sound so hard. If you think about it, its really not.


"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you HAPPY."
It is okay to be selfish sometimes. Especially when it comes to bettering yourself.
When I was at my heaviest, I never wanted to do anything. As I lost weight, I gained the confidence to go out and have fun. I didn't worry about my weight any more. That was one of the best feelings. Not feeling self conscience. I can't wait to feel that again. It'll happen slowly, but it WILL happen. Better slowly than not at all, right?

I'm not someone who can just make myself just start doing something, I usually fail when I do that. Things clicked this time, I met half way. There are things that I want more than fried fatty foods. I spent about $80 on a bathing suit last year. That is absolutely ridiculous.

I have dedicated Wednesday for my weighins. #weighinwednesdays. I have had awesome progress since Monday. I won't share today, just because it hasn't been a full week yet. So every Wednesday, expect to see a blog, and an update. Good or bad. I may even include the scale's number. Maybe....

If I stop now, then by next week I could gain 5 lbs. And I'm just that much further from my goals. I have to learn from my past in order to make a better present and future.


And on that note, I must bid you adieu.

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