Feb 26, 2014

Carol. Get your s*** together Carol!

Welp.. Nothing like a Wednesday that feels like a Monday. I got up early, and felt great. I even left the house before 7:30, which that never happens to me. I forgot I had to get gas, so I pull into the gas station. Here I am, just pumping gas like a normal person, and then all of a sudden it just starts overflowing. Can a b**** not get some kind of a warning? Needless to say, I had to change clothes and will probably smell like a truck stop the rest of the day.

This week has surprising gone by pretty quickly. Saturday is moving day! I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to be in a house, to not have to walk around a building and up the steps ("But it's exercise." "Oh yeah? Well, when the wind chill is negative 1000, and there are no trees to block the wind, Or when you have your body weight in groceries and have to walk 10 miles to your door, I'd call it a pain the ass.") The best part is we will have a backyard! We can literally throw our dogs out of the window to go to the bathroom. Taking lazy to a whole new level.

I'm just going to be honest with everyone, I haven't been super strict on my cleanse. I still have tons of energy though! Just haven't lost any weight since the last time. Which is fine. The challenge isn't over yet. I did have sweet tea the past couple of days. I can tell the BIGGEST difference in my face when I go from water to tea. It gets puffy and my skin isn't as smooth. You would think that would be enough reason for me to not detour from my goals. But, its not. Why? I'd really like to know myself. I don't understand my logic in things sometimes. One of my HUGE faults is that if I am upset, I want food. I want fattening, greasy, artery clogging food. I throw every goal out the window. I don't care if I am fat that day. I hate that I do that. Food is my biggest comfort. I would really rather be one of those people who doesn't eat when they are depressed. I would be so thin by now. But, I am the type of person who thinks about eating all day. Every day. I have breakfast, "What's for lunch?" and the same thing with dinner. I have always been this way. Even when I am sick, I just want food. The day I got my tonsils taken out, my bitch ass was eating chik-fil-a. If I like veggies, and fruit, then I think a lot of my eating wouldn't be an issue. I was raised on meat, potatoes and fast food. I'm trying to get better about the fast food. We save a lot more money when we just by groceries. Most of the time I hate cooking. By the time I get home, take the dogs out, and get them settled, I am too tired to cook. Which is an excuse. I just need to MAKE myself. Sometimes I have issues (I don't know if you could call it control issues or not), when my friends make bad decisions, it gets to me, and I want to help them correct it, But when I make bad decisions, I make them over and over. (Regarding food). Why do I expect others to take my advice, if I don't take my own? Practice what you preach, right? I wish it were that simple, I wish I could just get up right now, and say "HEY, change. Just do it." Change takes time. I am a nail biter, I have done it ever since I was little. I haven't bit my nails in 3 weeks. That is an accomplishment. The 21 days to break/form a habit is a myth. With different things, it takes longer. I know nail biting isn't really comparable to food habits. But it is a small goal. It is one step close to the self control I need to learn. I have said it before, but acting on impulse is my thing. Just ask my credit cards... I want to learn self discipline. I want to be more disciplined in so many aspects of my life.

So, there you have it. My BEFORE. My present. As you can see, my belly is my MAIN area that I need to correct. My legs are awesome. I am super proud of them. My arms aren't that big. I am kind of slouching a bit, but either way. That's a big ole' belly. I am the only person that can do something about it. I am the only person who can change it.  

Before I lost all my weight, (when I was at 317 lbs), I wore dresses constantly. I thought it masked the appearance of my stomach. Now, I wear them because I like the way I feel in them. Plus, look how attractive I look.. At 317 lbs, I never wanted to wear jeans. I felt so uncomfortable. I hated it. The way it shaped me. Today, I am still not too fond of the way it shapes me, but I am confident enough to wear them. Lately though, I have been wearing leggings. Leggings and a baggy shirt. Now THAT'S a fat girls best friend. 

Ain't that the truth. Most of the time your clothes stretch with you. When they stop, is when you know you have a problem. Laying on the bed, ATTEMPTING to button and zip jeans, is not attractive. But, I own every pound, every ounce and every inch that I have gained/lost. No one will do it for you. So, put those big girl panties on (if they still fit) and get on it.
 Don't just talk about it. BE about it.



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